Silent Battles

I am Bi-Polar. I get it from my dads side of the family. I am telling you these thing not because I want pity but because I want you to understand. You might have someone in your life that has this silent battle and I want you to know that all they need is empathy. Do not feel bad for them. Do not feel helpless. Do not judge them because the house is a disaster. Do things that they are to headstrong to ask for help. It is the little things that make the biggest difference.

Lately my medications have started not do their job and it hurts. It hurts A LOT. Each days is s struggle to leave the house and sit at work and feel like my presence there is making a difference. Each day I struggle to come home where my children are who depend on me to help them with their homework or listen to their stories from that day. Today was a low. Today I had an emergency appointment with my therapist to adjust the medications. I know understand why a person that is so low emotionally could cut themselves. Depression is pain that you can not control. Cutting or anorexia or bulimia is something you can control. You can control that pain. I do not want to die, but I do not want to live a life with so much pain. I do not want to live a life where my family is afraid how to act around me because of how I might react. I want to live a life where my family knows that I love them and always will. I want to live a life where I have a desire to do things with my kids and not worry about who is going to clean up the mess after. I will live a life with the things I desire but it will be battle to get there and I ask for patience. Patience from myself to be able to learn that the pain is only temporary that I have a reason to go on, Hell I have 5 reason and they are my constant. They are always there and I have to live for them. I can not quit my silent battle.

My consnstant