Reading

AS part of assigned homework Mr. C has this thing called Book in a Bag. Well he used to hide them from me until a couple of weeks ago when we had parent teacher conference. Then he got screwed! Now he hides in his room when he gets home and when he pops his head out I tell him to get his books and start reading. Back into hiding he goes. These are the times when being a step parent sucks because I can't use the line "You better do it now or I can take you out of this world because I brought you into it" I also get the eye roll from him followed by the "You can't tell me what to do, you're not my boss" he once said "You're not my mom" To which I replied "You're right I am not your mom and you know why? I am still here! I care enough to be around for your birthday and help you with school! I am here for you everyday and love you enough to not run away and not tell you where I am. I am not leaving!"

It is hard because Bio mom still calls them and tells them that we are evil and she is the only one that loves them. At least Miss M and Mr B are old enough to realize that their bio mom is not right in the head but Mr C is only 6 and her baby. Mr C was always spoiled by her and has a really hard time separating her reality from real reality. Poor kid just wants to be loved and unfortunately until he is old enough understand that she is just not capable of loving him beyond it making her look good he is not going to accept me as a parental figure.

Just Life

I was asked the other day if I had any advise to give from a person that is finding herself in a similar situation in possibly becoming a step mother. I never thought that I would be the type of person others would come to for advise. My one thing that I offered her was that it is always harder than you think it is. Very very very worth it, but definitely NOT EASY!!!

So with that said I am going to restart this blog. I am hoping that by sharing my daily joys, challenges, triumphs and devastation's I will be able to "meet" other step parents or soon to be step parents and we can share these crazy wonderful stories over a virtual cup of coffee or tea or coke or you get the point..

Temple Marriage

So Mr. J and I are not sealed in the temple like most Mormon families. We will get there some day but right now is just not going to happen. One of the big complaints that Mr. J has is that people go to the Temple, a place were HF and Jesus visit, to be sealed and were sexually active with each other before marriage (a no no in Mormon standards) or find themselves in Vegas on their honeymoon where they drink alcohol (another no no). Now to each their own, BUT don't go acting like you are better than me because "you were sealed from the start". At least I can say I have been honest in my dealings with HF.

Now this has been on my mind a lot lately because some women in my life who have been sealed in the temple to their now eternal spouse are miserable in their marriage.

Example marriage 1: husband will not watch child if wife is working BUT she has to work because he will not get health insurance for the family through his place of employment. They have 1 child that has more health problems than I can think of. Mom is the person that calls in sick to work on a weekly basis because dad is "too busy" to take his child. Come to find out dad is just out playing on his 4 wheeler. Also it is common knowledge that this husband in the marriage often visits establishments where clothing is optional for the employees and wife likes to get her drink on with her girlfriends. YET this person is always talking about how wonderful her family is and all proud that they get to be "Together forever"

Example marriage 2: This couple has been married for 10 years. They have 2 children. They "messed around, and probably should not have been married in the temple". (direct quote from the wife) She is the bread winner of the family. There would literally be no food on the table, roof over there head or clothes on their back if it was not for her job. He controls all of the money. In the past year it has come out that he has been emotionally unfaithful, meaning he didn't have "sex" with the other woman but things were said pictures were sent and he was caught. Since then he has done nothing to prove his sorrow for what he did. He continues to tell his wife "if you would put out then I would not have looked somewhere else". He refuses to find a job that brings in a little more financial comfort for his wife and children and on many occasions I have had to leave his presence because his topic of conversation has been down right wrong on more levels than one. I have heard him talk down to his wife in front of their children. Then when he confronted me about being friends and I told him I really don't want to be your friend he told be to F off. But once again They have an "Eternal Marriage" so even after all is said and done they will be together forever.

Example marriage 3: This couple was sealed after a year of civil marriage. He uses the fact that he is the priesthood holder in the family to get her to agree to the things he wants. He has a "pornography problem" that she has been denying for quite some time now and has now stated to effect the ability to pay bills. Their life is one financial crisis after another and they are always her fault.

Now I know these are just 3 separate marriages but all 3 wives stay in the marriage after years of this not because they love their husband but because they are sealed to him. It is my understanding that in a marriage you should be partners. One is not better than the other. Both should be emotionally invested in making the marriage stronger. Also in a temple marriage if one of the people that have made this covenant has chosen to not keep said covenant doesn't that make the whole thing kinda null and void. So when a man or woman has chosen to seek sexual gratification from someone other than the person they are married to, and feels that they have done nothing wrong, and does not seek out the repentance process in accordance to that of their religion (in this case LDS) does that not mean that those covenants made in the temple at time of sealing are now void? If so then why after years of putting up with the lies and deception do these woman still feel the need to fall back and say "I made a covenant"?

Thoughts are welcome...

Thoughts

I just love being a mom lately. Li-Li in a matter of 24 hours mastered sitting up, figured out if he holds his head up when moving around the floor is more efficient and how to pull himself up onto things. My personal favorite is when I am sitting on the couch and he crawls over pulls himself up gives me his big ol' toothless grin. His Dr. also told him to stop moving around so much at 6 months he needs sto not worry about being so busy and maybe he would put on a little weight. ya my poor boy is not even on the chart for weight, but he is gaining which is more than we could say for Miss A.

My originals are all out of school now and loving the summer. Their mom has been MIA for almost a month now and the difference in the kids when they come home from visitation is amazing. Yes the originals mom is alive, she just won't tell anyone where she is and only calls the kids to complain that Mr. J or I once again tried to poison her or have stolen something from her. PSYCHO!!!

Mr. J and I have been house hunting and found one right around the corner from our current residence. 5 bed 2 bath, .24 acre. Backyard is already fenced in and even though it is a home we will need to touch up we can move in and be comfortable right off the bat. Also we get the joy of buying a home and making it ours while the kids enjoy playing in the backyard. The best part is there is even room for a little veggie garden :) please cross your fingers say some prayers that everything passes inspection, the current owners are not jerks and we can move in as planned.

12:30 AM

Just finished watching Eat Pray Love. All I can say is I wish I was wealthy enough to take a year off of life and live in exotic places while I try to "find myself". After the movie ended I realized that I promised C that I would do his laundry for him while he was at school today and instead A and Dash and I went a saw Grandma and Grandpa instead. A loved it! I think G-ma & G-pa did too. So here I sit listening to Dash cry himself to sleep because I refuse to let him use me as a paci rather than just a food source because well I need my body to be mine sometimes too.

The Stepies came home last night from being at Psychos for the past week and Miss A went running to them and yelled out B's name. YES SHE DOES TALK! B instantly told me how he told Psycho that she is mental. Pretty funny how a 9 year old can even see that his mother has a problem and is not afraid to to say it to her face. The best part is all I ever say to him is "your mom has some problems but she loves you in her own way. You need to understand that it will be hard but it is okay." They also know that I do not like her at all, but only because of how she treats her kids and ended the marriage to their father.

So right now I do laundry as Dash is crying in his bed. Earlier it was Miss A refusing to stay upstairs and in her bed. Well I won part of that battle. She stayed upstairs but in my bed with the understanding that when she falls asleep she will be moved into her own bed. Ya, like a 21 month old understands that compromise. So at about 4 in the morning I will wake up to a crying Miss A and take her into bed with me because I am to tired and lazy to calm her down and put her back into her own bed.

This mom thing sucks. Well not always but at 1 AM with a crying child, a mountain of laundry and knowing that another child is going to be waking up in just a few hours needing that extra love that I am just too tired to even try and comfort then put her back into bed. Right now being a mom is just not the glamorous lifestyle I dreamed of it being as a naive teen listening to my young woman teachers say that parenting is the greatest joy they have ever had and it is a divine roll given to us by our HF. Only thing that could make this even better is to add a sick child to the mix... (knock on wood)